Live. Love. Laugh.

Burning Yet Another Midnight Oil.

2012-01-19T01:40:00.003Z

Dear Essay,

You'll be the death of me.

xoxo

_____________________________

I used to believe that results are proportional to hard work. It was, anyway, all the way to A-Levels. So nowadays I wonder, am I not working hard enough or is the material too damn difficult and complicated that my pea-size brain cannot comprehend? Doesn't help that I have the attention span of a goldfish.

Back to work.

OCD.

2012-01-15T11:45:00.006Z

I have recently developed an obsession for neatness and cleanliness. I get annoyed when things are not in order or unclean. Spent 2 hours this morning cleaning my room and doing my laundry, and mind you, my room isn't even that big!

Not sure whether that is a good or bad thing.

On another note, Bhavik finally cooked dhal for us (with raita and a tikka masala dish at the side), it was delicious! And to me, it was heavenly. All my taste buds and my stomach are now contented. Indian food ftw!

Goodbye 2011.

2012-01-03T16:02:00.015Z

In an attempt to procrastinate a little longer, I have decided to reflect over 2011 and welcome 2012. =)

2011 passed by really fast. Despite my frequent mood swings and many sustained periods of feeling demotivated, it was overall quite good a year. I complained a lot and never gave myself enough credit when it was due and many a time lost my temper. Summer was my turning point in life, as cliché as it sounds, and the year ended well.

My 2011:

Successfully produced a play at the Bloomsbury Theatre (where we sold out all the tickets).

Worked with the best committee I can ever ask for.

Managed my finances properly for the first time in life.

Managed to scrape through finals.

Fell in love with playing frisbee. Got a new family.

Learnt to play handball, and realised that it is okay to push someone down - it's all part of the game.

Pick up the violin again.

Made Cambridge my second home. Learnt punting and managed not to fall into the river.

Travelled much:

Ate as much pastries and seafood as possible in Porto.

Ate as cheaply as possible in Oslo - Hotdogs and chinese food were involved. Explored many Viking museums.

Learnt surfing in Cornwall.

Fell in love with Barcelona and climbed Monserrat in slippers with my sister.

Visited Venice for the 2nd time and still find every little bend and alley amusing. Found the best tiramisu and limoncello.

Got fascinated with the Colosseum, got a sun tan in Rome and swore never to order Fish of the Day even when planning to splurge on dinner.

Went to the smallest country in the world - the Vatican City.

Volunteered in Morocco. Got harassed all the time for being Asian. Practised French. Slept through the sand storm in the Sahara. Fasted for the first time. Didn't die of the heat.

Went to Edinburgh for the first time. Tried to catch the lochness monster but failed miserably. Spent much time at the Dores Beach.

Learnt to ski in Les Deux Alps. Fell a lot on the first day but survived all the other 5 and conquered all the green slopes. The thrill from skiing is unforgettable, I didn't want to go home.

Made new friends. Got closer to the old ones. Managed to see Tian Huey more than twice this year.

Had many memorable as well as random moments.

Got closer to my family.

Learnt to be honest with myself.

Learnt to appreciate the small things in life.

Learnt that life is not just about tangible achievements.

Lost a lot of things but gained just as much, if not more (including body weight haha).

Made amends with people I wronged.

Made amends with myself.

2012 will hopefully be even better. I will make it better. I will make it count. =)

Exponential Productivity.

2011-12-09T00:55:00.003Z

These past 2 weeks are probably the most productive 2 weeks in my whole university life and I am enjoying every second of it. I do complain about my workload but the satisfaction I get out of completing coursework after coursework is indescribable. I have been working like a machine and my mantra has been 'Sleep is for the weak', quoting Eddison. I have also grown to love Microeconometrics, every single bit of it.

Now, with only one project left, I am really looking forward to winter break.

The snow. Christmas. Boxing-Day. French Alps. Cambridge. Tian Huey. Free time. Books. Break. =)

-.-

2011-12-08T03:15:00.003Z

When you drink enough coffee to stay awake at ungodly hours to do your coursework only to realise that your uni server is down and you can't do anything because all your data and program cannot be accessed from home. =.=

Now, should I wake up at 7.30 so I can download the stata data before moodle goes under maintenance at 8 or should I wake up after 9 when moodle is up and working again?

Blank.

2011-12-02T14:15:00.002Z

When you put so much effort into a group project and realised, when the deadline is 1.5 weeks away, that you missed out a very important chunk.

And then you realised that group meetings aren't always the best of ideas.

Positive Thinking.

2011-11-24T11:52:00.008Z

My lovely bouquet of roses sitting on my window sill where the sun shone.

When you sleep 5 hours yesterday so you can cover most of the material for a discussion today which wasn't going to happen until tomorrow, you tell yourself: At least I have even more time to prepare now and perhaps contribute better tomorrow.

It's Due.

2011-11-22T18:26:00.002Z

Today, I realised I am actually better than what I thought I was. Practice and positive attitude paid off! Gonna try even harder next time. =)

Also, after 2 weeks of slacking and feeling demotivated, I'm finally getting back on track with work, thanks to the presentation that made me read so much.

Back to work! =)

-Give yourself enough credit when it's due. -

~Marisha Naz

The Reading (Week) Begins.

2011-11-06T10:49:00.005Z

With my reading material multiplying every second and my energy and spirit concurrently draining away, I am very thankful that I have a reading week. This is the first time in 3 years that I have decided to work (instead of travelling) during reading week. The first two days were spent on recuperating from the terrible lack of sleep and watching movies and chilling and doing nothing. Today, however, I woke up with a burning desire to be productive. I tidied up my room, folded and put away my laundry and am now ready to begin my reading!

Having met my sponsors last week, I am feeling excited of the prospects of working back home. However, it also made me realised that I still have much to improve on. Thinking of working with people like Zhi Wei, Jian Wei, and Marsh is a constant reminder that if I stay put as who I am today, I might end up in the group, as Audrey put it, where people only wear baju kurung and slippers. *gulps*

Even though there are only about 7 months left before my uni life ends, I know I still have time to do what I want and should do. As Tian Huey said, every little thing counts. As time passes by, I know I am inching towards what I aspire to be. The habit of reflecting upon myself that I acquired during summer is still constantly put into practice. Surely, I am still swarmed with work and life can still be pretty crazy at times, but this time I have not lost myself. =)

I am really looking forward to go back to work in Malaysia. Till then, I shall focus on being productive this reading week!

Up.

2011-10-24T09:54:00.006+01:00

What do you wake up for?

I wake up for life. To discover. To explore. To experience. To live, love and laugh.

Nowadays, I wake up in the morning feeling so peaceful and happy that sometimes I couldn't believe that just about a year ago, I was constantly feeling unhappy and depressed. I love all the modules that I am doing, even when Microeconometrics is killing my brain cells. I have finally found joy in playing my violin. Handball practices make me look forward to Wednesdays despite the fact that Thursdays are deadlines to coursework. Every bit of time I squeezed out to devour on my books and to practise French makes me feel very accomplished. I love my family, my friends, the people I meet and befriend everyday and the time I spent with my love ones. I fight, and I have not the slightest intention to give up on anything. I learnt to be honest to myself and to others. I actually ask myself on a consistent basis, "What do you want?" I find good and joy in every little thing. I feel that I am living so much more, and worrying much less.

It's as though I've been given a happy pill, but really, I think it was just a big change of perspective over the summer. I know it's been a month in to term already but here's to a great and fulfilling year ahead!

The Moroccan Experience.

2011-09-29T21:44:00.015+01:00

Volunteering in Morocco was a rash decision. Felt like doing it, went with my guts and there I was in 40 degrees Celsius hot Marrakech. Marrakech is a very touristy city, there is a constant hustle and bustle in the main square, the souks (markets) and on some streets. Many a time I walked around with people calling "China, China" or "Japan, Japan" after me, at first I found it intimidating and irritating as these people were quite rude but eventually I just found it funny. There was once when I was walking around Essaouira, a beautiful coastal town near Marrakech, and a guy came up to me and said "Konichiwa, Ka-ra-te!" with a Karate stance. I couldn't stop laughing for a very long time after that.

This was the first time I travelled alone to a foreign country. In the midst of the ups and downs I went through in my 2nd year, I felt the strong need to embark on a solo travel (sometimes I think that the need was heavily influenced by Eat, Pray, Love, haha...). And boy, did I enjoy myself. I fell in love with the place, the friends I made and the children I volunteered with.

Morocco is vibrant, colourful and rich with culture. The souks are always busy and often visited by tourists and locals alike; haggling takes place every minute. I spent quite a bit of time wandering aimlessly in the souks, attracted by every possible little thing. It has the Aladdin feel to it too, with its endless supply of Aladdin trousers, pointed leather slippers (babouches), magic boxes, treasure boxes, spice and traditional medicine shops and lamp and lantern shops.

It is a country where traditional practices and values are strongly upheld and where religion plays a significant role in the lives of its people. I remember waiting at a bus station and watching the chaotic place returned to order as the people lined up their praying mats systematically and prayed under the hot sun when the prayer call went off. In many ways, Morocco reminded me of Malaysia. There was Moroccan timing which was rather similar to Malaysian timing, things were never quite on time. There was also this practice which I named 'Maybe, Maybe Not'. Things were often uncertain and ranged from whether a project was going to be on to what time the King would be visiting.

The people I met when I was volunteering is, really, the main reason why I enjoyed myself so much in Morocco and why I miss Morocco so much these days. My first friend was Francesca, a lovely girl who never failed to make me laugh with her jokes and straight-forwardness. There was also Clare, always there for me, always listening to my ongoing rants and providing an alternative perspective. Then there was Math-loving Femi, strong-headed and opinionated, never afraid to stand up for himself, his beliefs and his friends but always eager to learn about other people, cultures and life. They were my life-advisor when I was in Morocco, many things were said and discussed which helped me greatly when I reflected upon myself, I really couldn't thank them enough for that. Our last conversation on the rooftop especially would be one that I would always remember. =)

I did a lot of things that I never thought I would or could while in Morocco. I slept on the rooftop the first night I reached the volunteers' riad, and never wanted to sleep anywhere else. In such hot weather, with no fan or air condition whatsoever, the rooftop was really the best place to sleep. It always looked like a massive sleepover party. Besides that, I went to the Sahara desert. Riding the camel wasn't the best experience, but I got there alright. =)

The best chicken tajine I've ever tasted came from the nomads at the desert. One of the nomads said the reason why he loves the desert so much is that it is always peaceful and quiet and unlike the urban, desert inhabitants treat one another with sincerity. There was a sandstorm the day we reached and I actually slept in the open outside the tents throughout the sandstorm.

I also tasted things that I had no idea what they really were. Oh, I tried fasting for the first time and boy, was it difficult in such hot weather. Water never tasted so good after that.

I also managed, with my very basic level of French, communicate with the locals. The first time I tried was with this old man here named Abdellatif and his little children. Although my phrase book had to be constantly taken out, I was quite proud of myself.

Living in a place for close to 3 weeks made me noticed and did a lot things I wouldn't otherwise as a tourist. Trust me, you would start living like a local and it feels good! I bought groceries from the supermarket about every 3 days, but when it came to bottled water and fresh Moroccan bread, we would always go to our lovely waterman. Everyone was a 'man': waterman, sandwichman, you name it. We knew which pizza place to go to when we got bored of local food and which stall to eat at the night market. As it was really hot, my friends and I even bought water sprays to sprinkle cold water on ourselves every now and then and walking around with the sprays brought us to many gratified locals who were fasting. Going around with the locals also meant that I got to learn how to stop a local bus: When someone wants to get off the bus, all one has to do is tap the walls or doors of the bus, the bus driver would then stop. There was no bell.

I also realised how contented people were living with what they have, sometimes, just bare necessities. Children played with whatever they could find: rolling tyres on the ground, building towers of pebbles. I noticed that the children were mostly well-behaved and they were grateful with every opportunity that came along to them.

Asma was the first girl who greeted me in the scouts camp I went to. She speaks perfect English, French and Arabic. She learnt English from watching TV.

The children were indeed a major highlight of my travel. They were lively, adorable, and simple. And I felt that they never took anything for granted.

Also, for once in a very, very long time, I finally had time for myself. With the flexible volunteering schedule, I often had time to read, think and talk to people. When the project ended, I stayed in Marrakech for another 5 days. Every morning, I would wake up and asked myself: What do you want to do today? The feeling was liberating.

Volunteering in Morocco was a rash decision but it was one of the best things I did in my life. I learnt a lot. Meeting the people and making new friends opened my eyes and more importantly, my mind. I came back to London feeling very humbled and found myself with a strong sense of calm and peace. It was a fulfilling trip and, as cliché as it sounds, I know it has changed my life forever.

Bring It On.

2011-09-28T21:53:00.003+01:00

My third and final academic year as an undergraduate is finally starting next week and I am really excited! This is the first time I felt so ready for something since I came to uni (I actually want it to start as soon as possible so I can start reading and making notes!), perhaps my summer break really did do me good. After all the travelling and the self-reflections I did and the conversations I had with new and old friends, my mind (and heart) has decided to settle down and be in peace. I know what I want and achieving them is just a matter of strong self-discipline, perseverance and the right attitude.

Quoting Jian Wei, "The goal for the final lap is simple. Make it count." And that is exactly what I set myself out to do. I will learn unremittingly, work hard and play hard. I will make it count!

Bring it on, third year, I am ready as ever!

"If you are doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure." -H. Jackson Brown

Part Time Job.

2011-07-18T23:29:00.002+01:00

Got myself a part time job. It is not exactly how I would like to spend my summer, but I guess the pay is not too bad for a 2 weeks job? And it made me realise how precious time is. When so little is left for leisure, it is almost a luxury!

Can't wait for it to end though. Then I can have more time to do things that I love!

Starting Afresh.

2011-07-11T13:02:00.000+01:00

I love travelling. It never fails to widen my perspective and always refreshes my body and mind. When I came back from Oslo, I decided to look at my long abandoned blog and immediately realised that it was rather negative. I made a decision to delete my blog. Although some may say that it is good to look back in life and see how you have changed, I rather start afresh.

My 2nd year in university has come to an end. When I reflected upon my year and its happenings, I came to realise that although things went well, it could have been much better if I had more confidence in myself. Growing up in an environment where I was almost always good (and sometimes excellent) in what I do, I lost the confidence when I realised that there were tons of people who were way better than I was when I went to college, and later to university.

Questions I often asked myself and people around me were the reflections of increasing self-doubt that I had. 'Why am I not good in anything'? 'If you asked me what I have achieved in the past 20 years, I have no idea what I did'? 'Why is everyone better than me (or seems to be)'?

I had those questions in my mind for about more than a year now. I used to ignore them and ran away from the thought of them when I was in college. And they came back to haunt me this year. I would often drop in to bouts of desperation and disappointment when things did not go smoothly, little did I think that things would turn out much better if I viewed them in a more optimistic and positive way.

This summer, my view was sort of altered. I spoke to my sister about it, about how her opinions used to heavily affect me and I realised that she did not mean most of the things that she said, for instance, I remember her saying that I could not sing (although she claimed that she remembers nothing of that sort). I spoke to Zhi Wei and Bhavik about it too, and recently, to Eilyn. They made me realised that I am more capable than I think I am. Things came easily to me before, and although now it does not, it does not necessarily mean that I cannot achieve what I set myself to accomplish. Also, they made me realised that things did not come easily to them too. After all, success always comes with hard work, experience and effort.

I am now thankful that I did not get a summer internship. It gives me more time to reflect upon myself as well as time to do what I love to do. I am now picking up things that I once ago lost interest in or thought I was not good enough at, like reading, drawing and playing the violin. And I plan to venture in to the world of experiences and do things that I have never tried (or dared to try) before.

This would be a fruitful summer, I promise. Ask me how it is when it ends! =)