Starting Afresh.

I love travelling. It never fails to widen my perspective and always refreshes my body and mind. When I came back from Oslo, I decided to look at my long abandoned blog and immediately realised that it was rather negative. I made a decision to delete my blog. Although some may say that it is good to look back in life and see how you have changed, I rather start afresh.

My 2nd year in university has come to an end. When I reflected upon my year and its happenings, I came to realise that although things went well, it could have been much better if I had more confidence in myself. Growing up in an environment where I was almost always good (and sometimes excellent) in what I do, I lost the confidence when I realised that there were tons of people who were way better than I was when I went to college, and later to university.

Questions I often asked myself and people around me were the reflections of increasing self-doubt that I had. 'Why am I not good in anything'? 'If you asked me what I have achieved in the past 20 years, I have no idea what I did'? 'Why is everyone better than me (or seems to be)'?

I had those questions in my mind for about more than a year now. I used to ignore them and ran away from the thought of them when I was in college. And they came back to haunt me this year. I would often drop in to bouts of desperation and disappointment when things did not go smoothly, little did I think that things would turn out much better if I viewed them in a more optimistic and positive way.

This summer, my view was sort of altered. I spoke to my sister about it, about how her opinions used to heavily affect me and I realised that she did not mean most of the things that she said, for instance, I remember her saying that I could not sing (although she claimed that she remembers nothing of that sort). I spoke to Zhi Wei and Bhavik about it too, and recently, to Eilyn. They made me realised that I am more capable than I think I am. Things came easily to me before, and although now it does not, it does not necessarily mean that I cannot achieve what I set myself to accomplish. Also, they made me realised that things did not come easily to them too. After all, success always comes with hard work, experience and effort.

I am now thankful that I did not get a summer internship. It gives me more time to reflect upon myself as well as time to do what I love to do. I am now picking up things that I once ago lost interest in or thought I was not good enough at, like reading, drawing and playing the violin. And I plan to venture in to the world of experiences and do things that I have never tried (or dared to try) before.

This would be a fruitful summer, I promise. Ask me how it is when it ends! =)